The Media Hype Kit®...

You or your web site may not reach a respectable level of completion without the Alien Agendas Media Hype Kit®. The specially tailored and competitively priced Alien Agendas Media Hype Kit® comes with:

1. Enhancements to your story. In other words, take the hassle out of your abduction case/book. Give us the basic story and we can add appropriate embellishments. The embellishments include "I was really embarrassed. I was looking at her fine butt when Nastyjuggs turned around with a smile on her face. Damn, she could read my mind". or "It was funny that I should remember that Grimnutsac's shoes appeared slightly worn on one side only". It's that sort of stuff that pads out a book and lends credibility to your abduction/contact.

2. Add authenticity with some of our file photographs of military bases. No good abduction case can be validated without at least one Air Force base in it somewhere. Photoshop guard with or without face covered for an additional nominal charge. Indeed, if necessary, we can even create a fake Base. The beauty of creating your own American bases is that the US Government will obviously deny it.... ladle on that credibility.

3. Aliens, aliens aliens galore. Without one image (recommended minimum of one) you may have no credibility whatsoever. Now it's understandable how the entire alien community out there is pretty darned camera shy. However, they have been known to sit for artists (do I detect just a hint of vanity)

Most abductees like to allude that they were kidnapped by a grey alien with large eyes (see image to right - please enjoy that "out of the mist" appearance). You may need to add a twist... "no he wasn't grey, he was 'bone' or 'very pale blue'.

Your contact should be different. However, rather than departing from the "gray standard" if there is such a thing, let us add unique features that truly identify your aliens as "yours".

Have you noticed how many aliens are depicted as nude or wearing jump suits. During my abduction by the Lessor Horned Bluerons I noticed that they were aliens of high fashion. Don't be a slave to nudity or jump suits.

In this case I whipped up "Grimnutsac" in about ten minutes with an airbrush. Gone are the days of having to go through a hypnotist to get your pencil images. Face it people don't want to look at awkward looking, hand drawn facsimiles anymore.. Here at Alien Agendas we agree and can pump out your alien for less than you'd think. Don't let clumsy hand drawings affect your book sales. Let us craft your alien of choice for you.

Worried about quality? Don't be. Grimnutsac was created in less than ten minutes. However,

hypnotically drawn aliens are usually shy of the details anyway. Your unique alien will meet your standards, with our Minimum Alien Standard Guarantee

See some of my other paintings of genuine contact aliens like the Grogun, Bluerons and others to see what wonderful quality we can offer.

4. Denials. Without official denials some cases start to lose their oomph. Let us get you those denials.

Be warned, denials can sometimes endanger the authenticity of your story. On the flip side, some abductees claiming abduction and or collusion are inferring that the reason the Air Force or other Government body isn't issuing a denial, is because the story is so hot and close to the truth, that they won't issue a denial which can add credibility to a story.

5. Saucer photography available. Don't get caught with your pants down. Most contactees eventually manage to snap an unauthorized pic of their friend's spaceship. Let us take the drudgery out of setting up the often obligatory pic. We have a broad range of crockery, smoking products and hats to choose from. Our expert artist can colourise your UFO with various paint schemes.

6. The total package. We start with your name, then you let us do the rest. Take the worry out of creating a total fabrication. Let us write your whole book from when you were driving home that night along the lonesome road instead of the highway.

We'll start by showing how you suddenly became aware of that 747 sized light centimetres above your car. How you met your Grimnutsac alien who befriended and then used a weak mind erasing technique so that you would be haunted by images of him during the evening.

Need a medical history and photographs of those strange radiation burns on your arm? No need for pain or running your arm against your vehicle's exhaust pipe. The team leader here can help with painless make up or digital photo enhancement. All we need is a photo of your arm with a ruler balanced on it and an indication from you as to how large you want your burn. Clearly, there's no need to buy the whole Alien Agendas Media Hype Kit® package (e-mail radiationburns @ alienagendas .com).

Alien implants. An often vital accessory that can really put a spring in your step concerning financial dividends. The beauty is that after we take a few snaps of a snot covered paperclip being pulled out of your nose. You then claim that said evidence was confiscated by the Men in Black adding impact and further solidifying your story.

The message from your chosen alien to we dumb arse earthlings can range from "become vegetarians" to "you must stop nuclear testing".

We'll organize the images, proofing and printing.

7. Absolutely useless UFO Blueprints!!! You've claimed to have been on the ship 80 times. You've been to the moon, snuck up behind the Spirit Rover on Mars, kicked the tyres and laughed your arse off about it. You've had a Kabvari lunch on Grimnutsac's home world with his brother Huge. Now back on Earth, children and the like are all asking uncomfortable questions. What sort of crew quarters do they have? How do they take a wizz? You mentioned the Keplar Star Drive, how does it work?

No need to let your enthusiastic listeners see the sweat run down your face. No need to rely on child like line drawings that show the ship with big windows around the waist, with little childlike arrows coming from simplistic descriptions that say "engine room" cockpit, navigation and weapons. We've compiled (from research) the most likely layout of alien craft, right from scout ships up to the big suckers, those 1,900 tonne mother craft that bring the whole lot to our solar system through a maze of worm holes. To be honest, we've taken some CAD drawings of sailing ships, and Model T Ford engines to create a complex maze of lines that vaguely look like a pair of dinner plates full of equipment. Shrug off suggestions that you don't know how the Keplar drive works. "Hey, I'm not a damned mechanic, I'm a friggin car detailer, I'm lucky to remember the details I have".

Whilst we here at Alien Agendas believe it's quite possible to write your own contact experience we fully believe in our product and suggest that you at least let us consult on your work. These days far too many people are being abducted by "grays". Let's face it, Grays are starting to become old hat. Remember when UFOs used to be the shape of cigars? It's time to move on. Let us create a new alien altogether.

Let us create a new line. Don't let your story get lost in the crowd. Tired of the same worn out messages e.g. "we are here to educate you". Hey, set up a damned campus then. No, what you need is something like. We come from a galaxy far away, so far away the Grayons haven't even reached the first road signs yet. We are here on a purely anthropological mission. I liked your head and thought you might like to come on board and let us take you to your moon".

Then we can work on your second book and or egress "Grimnutsac has gone back to his world, it was a wonderful experience, I'll miss him".

Great new ideas from Alien Agendas Media Hype Kit® Don't take the risk. Don't compromise profit and credibility.